Brave!

2011-05-10T22:28:00.001+08:00

its going to end!
yay yay yay~ last paper is on thursday :D

2011-04-12T13:22:00.002+08:00

noooo~ zuma is unavailable for now..
*sigh* that is my only way to relax when studying..

After helping Ms C solve the HRM case yesterday,
i am very sure that i love solving HR case..
still no idea what position of HR i want to apply for..
One thing i know is HR is challenging, fun and very important for organisation existence! ♥

2010-04-07T22:29:00.002+08:00

baby, i keep counting days
baby, i keep smiling
baby, i keep laughing
baby, i miss you
baby, i wanna see you
baby, i wanna hold you
baby, i love you ♥

2010-04-04T21:04:00.001+08:00

Missing you~
I wanna touch you.. hug you.. kiss you.. :'[

2010-01-09T16:45:00.000+08:00

"Love is being stupid together"
Thumbs up for this saying man! :}}

2010-01-05T09:33:00.002+08:00

everyday i wake up, you are the first thing in my mind
not only in Singapore, in Medan too
Yes. Its true got time i forget about you when im at Medan
But did you know i keep waiting 24hours for your call/sms
I keep hoping.. I wanna call/sms you..
But i know you won't be happy

Finally i found the answer why i keep feeling sad and depress
cause you so near now yet so far
I can't reach you
You gone too far, you walk too fast
I can't run to catch you even without shoes

I will keep running, I will catch you like before
I love you.. thats all i need

2010-01-04T22:29:00.003+08:00

its hurts more than i think
i didn't even feel the pain on my bleeding leg

here comes again...
tears and vomit...
Im tired. I don't know what to do.

All i see is dark.
What am i doing?
Why am i doing this?
Why am i so weak?

2010-01-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

My stomach starting to reject food i think.
I keep feeling like vomiting now.
siggggghhhhhh............................

2010-01-03T14:16:00.001+08:00

it hurts to the core

2010-01-02T12:25:00.002+08:00

I know this will be very hard
but i decided not going to make the same mistake
we wont know what will happen tomorrow
I might be die of heart attack or i will laugh with a bunch of friends

I will face this. i wont run away like before.
Yansen, sorry i didn't trust you and give you a chance last time
But this time, im not going to stuck in the illusion of the problems and decide to end it like before
5 years full of regrets. That's not an easy things to face

This time i gave everything i protected cause i believe and trust him and my heart
i don't want to lose that trust.
but deep down this heart there is a fear. a fear of losing him.
Someone did told me i must prepare myself to a life without him
but i saw nothing. i try the whole night. i cant imagine it. maybe there's no.

one question keep appearing in my mind: "will he cry if i die?"
the answer is "during the funeral only"
yeah that's enough. at least i mean something in his life.

By making this decision, is this mean I'm sharing my boyfriend with another girl?
Is it a wise decision? Am i not good enough?
Did any girlfriend in this world will do this?
one thing i can't understand is....
hello. did anyone think sharing a boyfriend is consider open minded?

2010-01-02T03:09:00.003+08:00

my mind is blank. i choose not to think
my brain connected strongly with my stomach
sadness turns into sickness
tears turns into vomit

God, i wish i could die right now
im not as strong as i think
the truth that i always trying to ignore is very hurt

1 Jan 2010 - i will always remember the worse day i ever had in my life.

2009-12-31T14:54:00.001+08:00

Celebration.... Celebration.... What is the meaning of Celebration? why does one celebrate new year?

2009-12-31T09:41:00.006+08:00

"i know them way before you."
Is that make them more special than me?
I regret not to know you first. I regret not to know you way before you born.

2009-12-10T14:26:00.001+08:00

Full of worries again... :{{
Can't sleep properly at night.

2009-12-04T14:19:00.001+08:00

These quite true!

----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
Be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed...
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
And forms impressions carefully. Caring and
Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
In studying. Loves to be with friends Always broods
About the past an d the old friends.. Waits for
Friends. Ne ver looks for friends. Not aggressive
Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
But takes long to recover.

---------------DECEMBER BABY ---------------
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
person possible... better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to
joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone
always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly .. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.
Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of
person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting
colds. loves music.

2009-11-30T14:59:00.002+08:00

feeling depressed....

- Result will be out this Thursday... {very scared}
- Missing yayang :{{
- No friend... haiya.. AiSien, im very boreeed. please skip class and pei me k :}} hoho

Haiya... i'm working like not working. Spent more time playing games than really working in office ;p issit good things or bad things?? i'm bored with this all!!

2009-11-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

nya??

2009-11-16T01:19:00.002+08:00

It's 1:18am and i can't sleep yet as usual.

What i'm doing??
- posting my blog obviously
- keep hearing "My Saviour My God" song
- chatting on msn
- reading friend blogs
- suddenly thinking of Janice Lim
- playing with my little baby pooh :}}
- just called yayang asking something that doesn't even exist {what wrong with my brain sia} WEIRD!!

2009-11-11T14:30:00.001+08:00

i wanted to see you... :'{{
why must this happened?? :'{{
i hate this life. i never mean to be happy. :'{{

2009-11-08T13:24:00.002+08:00

I know this would be very bad.
But... finally i say it. i tell him what i feel... "Pa, just kill me"

I'm tired being said wrong for everything i do.
I'm tired being said as useless.
I'm tired of said bring bad luck to family.
I'm tired of hiding myself cause don't want cause trouble for you and mom.
I'm tired of holding back my words and action cause mom's health is not good.
I'm tired to find myself and you told me to forget about it.
I'm tired of holding back this tears, this pain. Hiding the scars inside my heart.
I'm tired of this life.

I'm not rebel, I just trying to prove that all the bad things people said is wrong.
Mom always said to me since i young "why you can't take your own initiative, stop following people"
Everytime i show my true self, you said I'm rebel.
I'm rebel with a cause okeys. {I wanted to express my true feelings}

2009-11-08T13:13:00.002+08:00

STOP begging me please!
I'm begging you too... give me life... the life of human not robot.

You always teach me don't tears. You don't like it. It brings bad luck.
You teach me to search myself. What i wanted to be. But now....
I can't stop crying... this tears just can't stop cause finally i found my life and you want to take it away..

JUST KILL ME PLEASE. I can't take this anymore.

2009-10-27T09:16:00.002+08:00

I keep wanting to vomit... NO! I must not!
Once i vomit sure will get fever
3 more exams to go my dear...
Please focus.. don't let other things affected you :{{

This is my fault. I shall not be crying.
It is something i start. I should take the consequences.
GROW GIRL! :}}

Jiayou myself! kill tomorrow paper! :}}

2009-10-27T02:42:00.003+08:00

my stomach cramp like hell
im coughing till wanna vomit
i cant sleep, i cant study

i hate it when im getting emotional
i hate it when you angry
i hate it when i quiet, you ask me why and you angry

i quiet because i know im wrong
i know you will be angry

2009-10-13T13:48:00.002+08:00

WHY am i so stupid?? WHY i keep making mistake? WHY i hurt everyone i love??
- my parents... i go baptize and make them disappointed
- my friends... i left them cause busy with my own life
- my sister and brother... i dont want go back to take over the business
- my boyfriend... i make a stupid mistake
- even God... i sin a lot.

so angry with myself... i'm so unforgivable.. hope i never been born to this world.

God, are you really there?? Can't you just take me away??
NO! im not even deserve to be beside you anymore.

[Be LOGICAL, find the root of the problems. Don't stuck in the illusions.]

2009-10-11T22:17:00.005+08:00

am i not important to you?
i always wanted to treasure our time when we together, when we are dating.
although i can understand you, how you do things, how you act...
im still a woman. i can be jealous.
i try not to be jealous cause i know you are like that
and like i said. im still a woman and i scared to lose you.

But.... my solution: i decided i don't want effected by all this emotion. I choose to believe in you.

NB: ~♥ ♥ ♥~ Dear Sayang, you know what i will say XP ~♥ ♥ ♥~

2009-10-10T01:24:00.002+08:00

July, STOP PLAYING! please focus on your exams!! haiyaa....
15days to first exam :{{ and none of the subjects i finish studying.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?? My head just cant focus... :'{{

2009-10-07T19:25:00.002+08:00

going to cry..... hope this is not real. its just a dream. yeah. its just a dream. a nightmare :'{

2009-10-04T14:04:00.000+08:00

scared. scared. scared. scared. scared. scared.
hope its nothing... hope is nothing... hope is nothing... :'{{

2009-10-01T20:31:00.002+08:00

The time the most i needed love... no one knows.
How long can i hold back? everything seems blur.
Life controlled; decided for you. Feeling of being a robot.
The pain everytime i saw a baby.. how peaceful they are.
How clean and pure they are... i used to be one. I still wanted to feel that peace.
One day.. they will grow up and feel the same thing like me. will they??
Wheres the freedom of life? not anywhere...

TRUE. i cant survive without their money. but is that means i must give up my life to do their will?? its just too many things hinder me from staying there. Since i young i always wanted to go out from that society.

2009-09-29T09:45:00.001+08:00

NIGHTMARE?!?!?! :'{{

2009-09-27T21:45:00.002+08:00

my housemate coming back tonight.... excited but in the same time worried... can we be friends??
God.. i pray for your work in this area... i'm not good in making friends :{{

(random) i wonder what is the power balance between me and sayang~

2009-09-20T11:05:00.001+08:00

Be logical, find the root of the problems. Don't stuck in the illusions.

2009-09-05T16:10:00.002+08:00

Sayang~ you look so "wow" last night. :]]

Testing myself this morning... and this is what i got....
every 3 hours i miss you... is it normal? =.=??

2009-08-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

by Courtney Kuchta

( i love this poem!)

2009-08-22T21:25:00.002+08:00

my heart so broken. i have been trying to endure this.
im sick of keep giving. not that i wanted to receive only. but is it suppose to be 2 ways in a relationship.
i've been telling myself since beginning that i won't blame if you didn't care enough.
But in this point of time... stress and pain... i can't endure this anymore.

I don't want to doubt. I just want to trust.

2009-08-11T22:47:00.003+08:00

Your hug melt me
Your voice and face never leave my mind
I'm happy being around you
Sayang.... I'm deeply in love. ♥ Never leave me k. :]

♥ my sayang so much! >.< *hugs*

2009-08-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

as usual stomach not feeling well again. =[ =[ =[
should i go doctor and spend another $90 to hear "nothing wrong" again????? *sad* *sad*

2009-08-05T21:29:00.003+08:00

04-august-2009 = ♥! hee.

2009-07-24T09:57:00.002+08:00

every time i saw blood..... *sigh*
i feels like playing in horror movies.

2009-07-23T09:51:00.001+08:00

e doctor said "okay" but the blood still freak me out :'[

2009-07-21T20:04:00.002+08:00

Lord, what should i do? I'm very scared. :'[ :'[ :'[ :'[
Did You hear my cry? Did You feel my fear?
I'm alone and scared... Please come and hold my hands. Hug me. let me feel love.
I'm not strong.. I'm very broken.. Would You come and touch me?? :'[ :'[

2009-07-21T16:22:00.002+08:00

tears wash away weaknesses. [this is how i survive during hard time]
+ a touch from God. I'm totally strong! :]

2009-07-18T14:09:00.000+08:00

am i wrong for being alive??

2009-07-17T17:51:00.001+08:00

Yay! 1st cg for this month! im very excited. miss cg so much...

2009-07-16T11:57:00.002+08:00

the bloodtest show everything normal. no infection.
weird... but thanks God! hahas.

wheres the pain come from? why is it still bleeding? why is there a fever?
no one knows. only God know. lols :]

feel so weak now. don't feel like going class but i must go.
arghhh.... whats wrong with me actually? God please tell me.

2009-07-14T20:31:00.001+08:00

"can die?" don't ask me this question. I'm scared. I'm very scared. very very scared!

2009-07-14T14:01:00.002+08:00

kidney infection
so... this is the answer to my bad feelings nowadays. haiya... super pain.

i promise will heard what doctor said 100% liao! haiz. i will never look down on antibiotics anymore.
i never know that didn't take antibiotics regularly as doctor instructed can cause serious problem.
God has open my eyes.
- i will stop drinking
- i will drink more plain water
- take care bout my cholesterol. wont anyhow eat oily foods.

thanks God! :]
- thanks for putting Sining in my life. she has done a lot for me. i dunno how to pay her back :[
- thanks for waking me up. i know i done a lot of things that didn't please God.

2009-07-14T08:04:00.001+08:00

what wrong did i did to you? tell me tell me... :'[

2009-07-13T07:59:00.003+08:00

landed Singapore safely yesterday. :]
- went for Brighton agm. (ended very fast. 1st time saw this kind of agm)
- went for "obsessed" movie with my lovely buddies. (weird movie) *dots*
- experienced sining driving for the 1st time haha (no comment)
- stayed at sining house. (cant sleep. so sad)

super tired now.. hope wont fall asleep during class later. will be super paiseh haha.
*off to sleep*

2009-07-10T13:24:00.002+08:00

birthday surprise from my family!!
im super happy. i even take picture with my mom and my dad. hee. 1st time hor... <3

hmm.. 2 days more to go back singapore. honestly, im not prepare yet to start school.
haha. still on holiday mood.
miss all my friends at singapore... but at the same time dont feel like going back too.
i need to get myself use to singapore again. need time and effort. haiz.

need to walk under the sun. need to think of what to eat everyday. need to take care of myself. need to go school. need to do revision everyday for each lesson.
no more siblings to play with. no more morning call (from mom and dad). no more movies time every night with siblings. no more my dad's cook. no more my sister teddy bear to disturb. no more cable tv. no more juices my mom made one. no more my lovely house. haiz... a lot more. :'[ so sad.

but... happy that in singapore, there will be sining, claire, yc, merda, chasing, eeting and SY too! :D excited! and no need to work. no need to see my parents quarreling everyday. yay! and.. miss cg and sun service a lot. >.<

wohoo! cant wait to go catch movies with sining and claire. hoho ;]

2009-07-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

your arms around my waist, yoursmile, your ticklish touch, i cant forget.
i dont know what are you thinking. can you tell me? are you that bad as what some people said? am i the one make things seems so big?

"friendship hug" issit really that simple? i didnt hope so.
am i that easy to play with?
do you know why i didnt say no? cause i like u a bit.

2009-06-29T09:37:00.003+08:00

sat night is so fuuuunnn..... <3!
the funniest and scariest experience in my life. lols!

2009-06-25T01:03:00.003+08:00

AiSien came Singapore last night!
She staying my place tonight. yay! <3 miss her so much..

2009-06-22T20:10:00.004+08:00

I've been listening to emo songs for the whole day. Im getting emo too. lols!

"teddies don't hug back, but sometimes they're all you've got." <<< i love this so much.
I'm not childish okay?? this is why i like soft toys.

2009-06-17T00:26:00.004+08:00

*knock* *knock*
I'm bacccckkk....!!

no more complaining, no more crying, no more sad sad!
my day is going to be full of laughter, smile, and blessing others! [yay! I'm excited!]

[hmm... my life is so tiring when this girl is around... HAHA!! joking hor >.< ]

Special thanks to Janice Lim: thanks for making me laugh. LOLS!

2009-06-02T04:12:00.002+08:00

i can't sleep. I CAN'T SLEEP. i hate this. I REALLY HATE THIS. i hate watching the day pass by like this. im getting crazy.
someone ask me: "why you always can't sleep?"
i don't know and i don't want this.
i hate to be alone and when i can't sleep im totally alone. no one i can talk to. i can see no one.
this makes me realize that im really alone.

im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared. im scared.

2009-03-13T00:05:00.003+08:00

my heart broken again
my tears cant stop dropping

I dont want to lie to myself anymore
I hate this fake smile

Give me strength oh Lord
Dont let me eat up by all this feeling and emotion
You gave me feeling to feel and care for others
not to lead myself into destruction.
I hold on to your promises Abba Father. Amen

2009-03-10T19:37:00.002+08:00

Lord, I pray..
Open my eyes to Your plans
Open my ears to Hear every single of Your voice
Open my mind to focus on You

Clear this negative thought of You
Clear this doubt
Clear this confusion

Bless the work of my hand
Bless my mouth to speak Your words
Bless my heart with Your peace

In You I take refuge my Lord
In You I put my trust
In You I say Your love makes me perfect

Wipe my tears with Your love
Abba Bapa, I need You
I need You more than anything

what must I do?

2009-03-04T23:53:00.003+08:00

Im a shadow... Im a shadow... I wish I can become invisible.
Its really doesn't feel good when you see people hurt, but you dont know why, you dont dare to ask and you just dont know what to do. Some more there is just you and that person. :(

What must I do?? What must I do?? I keep having this question in my mind. :'(

Old days

2009-03-03T15:18:00.005+08:00

The old days when we do things together. I really miss that days.
The days we have fun, we laugh together, when we cry together (ermm haha i guess u dont know this) haha.

Sorry for thinking you are just using me. I really does think like that. Although we are not best friends, sometimes we can't understand each others. But one thing for sure. I can't stop being your friends. Because you are precious to me. No matter what I think, what I feel, how I react, how you react, we are friends girl :D I love you a lot.

2009-02-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

fiuuh... I ate too much since last night!! =.=""
Oh nooo... My stomach is getting bigger!! full of babies :P hahaha!

Btw, I feel super happy today! Learned new thing. :)
When J asked me what is faith, i gave the simple answer: trust and believe in God.
And i was super shock with his answer!!! i never think of faith as what he said.
[ Faith in God = fully lay down everything to Him. ]

I always said i have faith in God but i never fully lay down on Him. Most of time i do things with my own thought and pray: God, why ... please help me. etc.
CONFIDENCE! tts all i need when i pray. :D
I tried just now. Its so powerful. I'm so touched.

2009-02-09T16:31:00.002+08:00

Random things for today:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JANICE GOH!! :D
Married to Janice Lim today. HAHA!!!!
Im having disappointed feeling in my heart. (its my 2nd time)
I can't trust people so easily like last time anymore
I didn't eat since morning. no appetite.
Playing the puzzle from xiang. so difficult. =.="
A said not people didn't believe me its sometimes i don't know what i want. (thats why i don't wanna share)
Browsed noelle tan (carolyn sister's daughter) blog. she so cute >.<>
Practiced G, C, Em, D chords with janice guitar. no improvement. :(
I want to buy a words puzzle book :D
I wonder what my parents doing now.
I miss Janice =.=" (I always laugh no matter how depressed when im with her) haha!
SIM called me to go HQ pay insurance fee by today or tmr. haiz. i done stupid things. i asked: "issit a must?" (i think something wrong with my brain)
No mood to go out, to laugh, to have fun. trying to sleep but so many sms, call and msn come in =.=" haiz.
The worse thing: no mood to do assignment!!! need to hand in on wed :(((
Haven't bake e choco. need to go buy all e stuff man =.="" LAZY......

2009-02-06T02:13:00.004+08:00

i don't like it. i can't sleep when tomorrow i must wake up early. (going to Merda house again. yippie.)
Sorry Cha Sing, Ee Ting and Merda if im late. :(
Thanks to Merda mama for inviting us to ur house. :)

Thanks God for this opportunities to gather back with all my groupmates. I love them much >.<

2009-02-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

I stand here alone, in the darkness
No one know, no one care

I’m running, running to find a way out
It’s dark, it’s scary, it’s tiring

I shout, shout for help
The voice comes back

I’m waiting, waiting for a light
When will it comes?

2009-02-02T13:14:00.003+08:00

Im extremely depressed and tired.

When i open my eyes, i cant face all e truth. everything looks fake.
not even a smile from my parents. I cant blame them. I know how suffering they are.
care from friends all looks fake. I cant blame them too. they trying their best.
Its all my fault. my eyes are blinded. my mouth shut. my heart is hardened.

When i close my eyes, nightmare never ends.
this morning, someone is sitting on my body and i cant even move my body.
i cant see the person face. i only saw a long legs with long pants sitting on my body.
it seems so real. i dont know whether its a dream or reality.
no matter how many times i scream: "in Jesus name, i command every evil spirit to leave right now", it doesnt change anything. Im scared. has God left me?
So, i just close my eyes back. I dont care anymore what will happen.

Lord, when will this end? Im craving to be with you and leave all this things behind.
It seems u still want me to be here, in this earth. What can I do? Im so small. I cant do anything.
I even feel difficult to open my heart for You. I cant trust You fully for this things. I cant believe 100% that You care for me. why? why I cant clear the doubt about You so easily like last time.

IM TIRED! REALLY TIRED! I cant stop my tears. Im like panda now. Can You see it? I need You Lord. I just want You come and hold my hands. Tell me that you need me. You care for me. Its all I need. :'(

To My Dear

2008-11-17T11:30:00.002+08:00

Dear, i know its difficult time for you now.
Thats why i want to let you know, have faith in God. Let Him help you.
He will always provide the best way out for you.
Maybe now you won't realize it but later you will see it. ^.^
You have so many people around you that care for you. Do you ever think about someone that don't have anyone to hold on in their life? But they still smile in any problems they facing. And they didn't get stress over it.

I want to see the past you. the wiser friend i ever had. I love you dear. I don't want to see you like this. Maybe I'm not an important people/ friend for you but I'm sure, your best friends and the important people in your life also don't want to see you like this. =)

- I love u all, still love u all and always love u all -

2008-11-15T01:23:00.005+08:00

Mom, Dad, Da Jie... I'm so sorry to make u all disappointed.
But this is the way that i must choose. I've heard the call. I'm really sorry.

I just want you all to know.. It doesn't mean that I didn't need you all in my life already.
Just for this matter, i want make my own decision.
And i want you all to know that: since first time i love you all, until now, my love for you all never change. and it wont change forever!! =D

Jie, u ever told me that u cant make others become your family so easily. You only have us as family. But sorry, i have different thought about this. I want to become family with the one who has given me His only son life. I never decide alone the things that can effect my life so greatly. So, please understand me. =) [I still love you all and will always love you all.]

To be honest, last time i always hate mom and dad. I keep blaming them for all that happened in my life and i always think if only i can born in other family. But since i know Him, I began to see the truth, I began to love them and you all. And i thanks God that He placed me in this family, our family. [I Love You All!!]

2008-10-09T12:24:00.007+08:00

Yuhuu! hehe this are some photos of our outing with Candice, Pricillia, Olivia, Loyalle, Zhe Wei and Me. Sorry keep delaying to pass the photos to you all. =x hehe.
I will pass it to you all tomorrow. =)

- After cycling and blading -

- After career fair-

2008-10-06T21:00:00.002+08:00

7:16pm
I sms my dad: "Daddy, I'm sorry if i have made you angry. I will try to be a better child. I really treasure the time that i spend with family. I love you all. Good night."

Im really really paiseh to send such sms!!! but im happy i can do it although he didnt reply. I wonder if he still angry or maybe he dunno what to reply. =p

Its Not The Time Yet

2008-10-04T20:46:00.004+08:00

"Its not the time yet" this is wat my mom answer to me.
So when is the time? Did U know how many years I have been waiting for this? How patient am I for this?
Did u know how serious of me about this? Had u ever heard my explanation?
Did U understand me? U know my feeling? How hard i try to change myself?
Am I not wise enough to choose? I've changed mom. Did u see it? or U dun care?

Please Please Understand me. I beg u. ='(

2008-10-02T11:09:00.002+08:00

IM SO HAPPY!!!

Finally I said out all my feelings!!! I keep it for ard 4 days. Im so sad and a bit depressed. haha
Its all just about bad timing. I really think too much. haha some also my fault.

I learned new lesson from this:
1. BE HONEST is the most effective way to solve problems.
2. ANGER is PROHIBITTED!
3. See from OTHER PERSPECTIVE

-Never Scared To Say Out What U Feel Because U Will Never Know What Will Happen If U Didnt Say It Out-

This Is Just Not Right

2008-09-30T00:29:00.003+08:00

'This is Just Not Right' << this is how i feel now.
I dont know what went wrong but i just feel its not right! My life is changing. Is it changing to good or bad?

Since I came back Singapore last week, I become more cheerful and always laugh in front of other people. But I feel its not me. I keep thinking what must i do when i met my frens that i missed so much until I act silly. They asked me: "What happen with u?" Im getting nervous in front of my friends but i hide it by laughing and doing silly silly act. Is it obvious?? Dunno. Why am I like this? Dunno.

If only I can go doctor and ask whats wrong with me. Am i sick? (maybe something to do with my brain nerve system) Haha it seems silly. But if it
works i will try. haha!
If only I can sms God and ask Him whats wrong with me. Its more nonsense. But if it really posibble I will try it. haha!

Thanks God

2008-09-19T12:19:00.002+08:00

Haha finally can online aftr 2 weeks at medan. But im still at medan. HAHA

Thanks God for my result. wohoo! I passed all subjects! =D
Yesterday, when I received Aaron sms. I dont dare to open it. I scared it stated fail. haha
I go shower and pray. haha finally i got the courages to open the sms. And yuhuu! I Passed!! Really thanks God. hohoho! =o

[6 days more to go back Singapore] yuhuu! Miss my frens there.
Hope I can settle things here before i go back although it seems impossible. haha.

ok. cya. need to go for haircut. xixixi

2008-09-04T23:37:00.003+08:00

My life is about complaining for this last 3 months. Im kinda tired of it. When will it end?

Homesick??

2008-08-19T22:56:00.003+08:00

Happy B'day mama!!! =D
I want go back to celebrate for her! I wanna do something different in my family! I want my mom to blow her 1st candle cake.. I havent seen her blowing candle and cut cake since i born.

Today I've sms with my mom and end it well. I've msn with my younger brother also..I suddenly miss them so much.. Feel like going home now!! I miss them!!! =(Mama, Papa, Da Jie, Titi.... Love u all!!!!
I wanna go back!!!! ='( Issit called homesick??
This is the second time i feel like i wanna go back now.

Anyway Exam is near!! Must start study alrdy!! Focus Focus!!! =D
Pray to God that i will be able to study and clear all subjects.
(Abba please help me) ='(

This Is How I Grow..!!

2008-08-10T21:50:00.015+08:00

It seems to be so peace last week..

But... Today, here it comes again!! I was so angry!!

Thanks for sister B.Y , thanks for your prayer..

and thanks also to sister JS for the card! its strenghten me!!

Thanks for my family in God!! Thanks for your caring, your love, etc. Thanks for helping me grow.. Thanks for everything. I really thanks God for putting me in the midst of you all.

Love You All! <3

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever" - Psalm 23:6

(I will take this as a promises.. I will never leave Him!)

2008-07-16T19:44:00.000+08:00

I WANT HOMEMADE SOUP!! ='(
Mama~~~ hiks

2008-07-08T19:51:00.003+08:00

Tired tired tired tired................... so moody! =(
Dont ask why coz i also dont know =.="

I've been praying for something to happen tomorrow. If it doesnt happen I'll bad mood and very moody for weeks i think.
I dont feel like going out from home tomorrow. Its become my habbit for long time ago coz i hate b'day. haiz. I prefer to stay at home and cry until fall asleep then its the next day liao! so happy =D
Weird huh? but its me la. haha im not human. im monkey =P

Miss my family badly.. mom, dad, sis, bro.. miss u all ='( Im paise to tell u all but i really do miss u all.. I wonder u all miss me or not.. Do u all still need me? I feel so lonely here although i got a lot of friends with me. Da Jie, now i understand alrdy the feeling of being far away from family. Sorry last time i always argue with u bout it.

.....

2008-07-02T21:59:00.002+08:00

Today i never study again like yesterday. aiyo.. tomorrow must really study liao.
Went plaza singapura and orchard with merda and kitto. Hancock is really a great movies! And I just know Merda like flowers!! wow! nice beib! =D

I hope what im doing is not a wrong thing la... haiz.
Now im suppose to read my lecture notes for tomorrow lesson but feel so lazy. Im still on holiday mood. =(

IT'S NOT FAIR!

2008-06-27T18:19:00.003+08:00

This life is not fair...?!?! Why when everybody seems so happy and enjoying this life, i must deal with this all problems and suffering

I dont know what to do, which way to walk and who to trust (even i cant trust myself)
One side of me missing medan badly (the place when all my family members can be together like the past.. just 5 of us.. no grandma, granpa, and relatives disturbing us) but the other side of me wanna go away from there since more and more troubles keep appearing.. (its very selfish!! Im saving myself only..) I think I'll ruin my sister and brother future if i keep running away like this.. But I really cant cope with it.. ='(

I cant do anything to fix it... the only answer for all what i tried to do is only: "young people dont nosy. Just pretend nothing happened."
(How can i close one eye when the ones i loved being hurt and cry more almost 10x a day??? WHO CAN DO THAT?)
Some more i must act wisely in front of my younger brother when in reality i can do nothing.
The only thing i can do is only praying... I hope this life will be better. Please dun add more problems anymore.. its enough!

2008-06-15T23:27:00.005+08:00

Yesterday I went out with Merda =D

My lunch =)

Having chocolate waffles for dinner! Yummy! =D

Yea Yea! Thanks God!

2008-06-14T00:31:00.002+08:00

Yuhuu! Thanks God! Finally I passed all subjects! =D
I called my mom this afternoon.. Haha she so shock.. She asked me why I cried.. She think i fail again.. Then I told her I just so touched that finally I passed all subjects.. haha

At night she called me.. ask: "still crying si terharu (the touched girl)?" LOL.
I got new nick from my mom! lalala~ =x
Love momz and dadz! muacks!

2008-06-09T16:23:00.002+08:00

Im so glad that I never give up =D
I know things will getting better because He walk together with me..

(thanks to Kevin that sent me this last semester.. haha)
"I can do EVERYTHING through Him who GIVES me strengh" Philippians 4:13

2008-06-04T20:51:00.001+08:00

My tears is just getting to drop.. I dont know how long I can hold it..
I keep wondering how can things become like this..

Small Thing Can Lead To Bigger Thing

2008-06-04T10:11:00.003+08:00

Last night I'm very bad mood and anger because of small things. Then, I remember what pastor teaches last Sunday before my anger turn the small thing become bigger thing. Thanks.. What he teaches has eliminated my anger. =)

Small thing that lead to bigger thing:
1. Punctual
2. Turn Up Regularly
3. Careful with Work
4. Turn Up Prepared
5. Exaggerate
6. Preserve Confidentiality
7. Depend on Moods
8. Follow Instructions

(Abba, I pray to you.. I hope nothing happen with my mom heart and please make her recover as fast as possible and please open the (...) eyes, so they won't disturb my mom with their problem. They all so big already, they can take care of their own family and their problem liao. Please help me on my studies.. I pray for your miracle on my result.. Also please guide me on your way. I don't know which road to choose.. I dont want go back but I dont wanna see my mom so stress also.. Please help me choose.. Only in your name I pray, Amen)

Hope All Will Be Alright

2008-06-02T15:11:00.001+08:00

This afternoon, I got call from my dad. He said he will come Singapore tonight with my mom.
And Im so shock of the bad news! Hiks.. Hope nothing happen to mom..
God I pray to you.. Hope all will be alright.. ='(

I miss u mom and dad!!

Exam Is OVER!

2008-06-02T15:11:00.000+08:00

Wohoo! Thanks God that exam is finally over... Lets party! HAHA

This past few days so tired and do not have enough sleep.. ='(
Thanks to someone that always motivate me and keep me wake up when im studying.
Thanks to all my friends that already accompany me to study.

Thanks a lot. This is the best present I ever had. =)

Re-Born

2008-05-18T19:42:00.000+08:00

I experienced God again =)
I learn a lot today.. I'll keep it in my mind. My new life begin...

The things I must do:
1. Master my Moods
2. Restrain my Reactions
3. Preserve my Purity
4. Stick to my Schedule
5. Manage my Money
6. Sustain my Shape

NB: Thanks to someone.. =)

Walking alone in the night

2008-05-16T22:02:00.000+08:00

9.30 pm I was walking home alone. I pass by King Albert Park McDonald. I saw 2 shadows. I think someone walking behind me then I turn my head. OMG! Nobody there.. =( I'm so scared. But finally I realise that is my shadow also. I just know shadow can be more than 1. Then I keep walking.. EH! My shadows become 3.. 0.o Izzit normal??

2008-05-16T10:24:00.000+08:00

Today after class Minh gave me the photos and videos he taken on Meiji b'day

Thanks a lot all my beloved friends

2008-05-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

Darling,

Thanks for understanding me. From now on I won’t say that word anymore. I know u all care for me. Sorry for being so stubborn. I will change. =)

Btw, exams coming!! Jia You all!! WE CAN DO IT >.<